Ages

It has been way too loooong ever since the last time I had my thought put here. I just did not have enough time.

Oh well.

Updates: I already have had 2 months at my very first work (I mean a full time work since I actually had part-time work during college). I'm enjoying it- the people, the pay, and the environment! I'm so luck to have tried it out there. On the other side, Troy is already studying and working at the same time. It's a bit stressful for him but he knows he has to do it- for himself... and also, I told him that when the time comes that we already are living together, I don't want hear myself blaming him for not finishing up his college- y'know what I mean. Although it could be a little selfish but I would want to tell my family about my relationship with him with the both of us already having our own stable jobs so that I won't be hearing anything from them (ye, I know- too rebellious tone- hahaha... coz I come from a conservative family... and I have no idea what happenned to me- lol!).

I'll be updating this blog regularly... I missed doing this. ^_^

Separate lives...

I have been babbling for how many weeks that me and Troy would be away from each other... but fortunately, due to some unexpected turn of events, Troy decided not to live with his aunt... and instead, stay where he is and continue his studies while working. I was happy- very happy- because at least we would not be 8 hours apart, just about 1 to 2 hours. At least, if ever something goes wrong, or if he needs me badly, I could come right away to the rescue ^_^ I felt guilty at first because I knew that I was the reason why he opted to stay here. It was like a "career or love" kind of thing because staying here meant he would be working hard for the rest of his college life to support his schooling just to be close to me... and I am very grateful for that... and because of what he opted to do, I see myself obliged to work right away (rather than slacking off for about 1 to 3 months) in order to support my beloved loved one ^_^ I think It's more than an obligation now... It's what I call love ^_^

Petty fights

I'm really fascinated by the way Troy handles little fights between us. It's never really normal for him to be humble enough to approach me and tell me how bad I am (that's his way of saying sorry "can you please talk to me?"). He knows when I'm angry at him- I just go silent all of a sudden. Of course I go nuts when I see that he doesn't care that I'm mad but nowadays, he's so much different. He's so sweet. ^_^ Just two days ago, we were having a discussion about his new phone when he suddenly got irritated and just didn't say anything. We were walking towards home and he was a little bit ahead of me (I was distancing away from him- telling him indirectly that I'm also mad at him) but all of a sudden, he walk towards me and placed his arms around me and told me how bad I am. ^_^ He's sooo sweet! ^_^

I know a lot changed with us ever since we ended up with each other- and I'm very happy that they're for the better! ^_^ lovelots! ^_^

Work work work!

This is going to be one of the longest days of my life... Troy's gonna be out for his work later at 5pm and here I am, trying to work things out on a new project from my boss (I just hope I finish up things I need to do before tomorrow). Troy's gonna get the new cellphone he bought tomorrow and we would be going to mass to thank God for everything we have been receiving up until now- like me having a chance to graduate cum laude, Troy's new phone, and our lasting relationship (of course ^_^).

A very busy month...

It has been a very busy month. I haven't been able to put entries here since ever. I miss putting stuff here. Anyways, where do I start... ah yes... Time is going shorter and shorter since Troy would be living with his aunt to study (a 10 hour ride from here- that's way too far). He plans to go there by May 15. I plan to go with him ^_^ Not really live there but accompany him for the rest of the summer since I would already be a graduate (I hope so... and I hope I also finish cum laude) and have the rest of the hot season for me- for resting- after the 4 year hardships and other stuff like that- teehee! ^_^ I already asked my mom if I could at least spend the rest of my summer at Troy's place- she agreed and asked me how much I would be spending for my stay there. I'm so delighted but I also feel a little shy since I haven't been able to meet his aunt and I do not know what their reaction would be because Troy hasn't been able to ask her aunt about it yet.

Troy has already been working as a crew member in a fastfood joint (KFC) here and he's pretty doing well. He'll be resigning before he goes to his aunt. I feel regertful for him since he's been doing really good in his job (he's been recently awarded the 'rookie of the month') and I have high hopes that he would be later hired for a regular basis and maybe later on be promoted as a manager (as what he always dreamed of). Anyways, about me... I have been waiting for my adviser to release my paper because the deadline for the submission of grades is drawing near and I do not yet know if he wants me to revise parts of those.

Good luck for the both of us. ^_^
I hope we have a great time at his aunt's place!
and oh--- we just celebrated our 1st year and 10th month together just this march 26 ^_^
i love you Troy! ^_^

It has been a month...

The only way that we could do so that he (Jake) wouldn't have to go away was to find him a job here- and he was able to find one for himself just days before he was scheduled to leave for his relatives. I was happy- but I know that eventually, he'll be gone for a long time. But at least he's here fow now- with me.

This has been the longest time that I have not been able to put an entry into this blog- and I missed this so much. So... where do I start?

It has already been a month since I started seeing Troy less and less because of my thesis. I need to finish my thesis. I'm not saying that Troy was bugging me or something but I really needed enough time to finish my work OR ELSE I'd have to do the course (the thesis subject alone) for the next 12 months. It was really nice or Troy to understand me considering the fact that he was a person who loved getting attention- specially from people he is close to- most specially from me. There were times before (when we were just about 10 months long) when we had quarrels and fights because I was not giving him enough time as my partner. That was when I entered my part-time job as a software developer. Actually, I was really the one at fault during those times and because of that, the situation got worse and worse (I'm gonna be telling that story some other time ^_^). I'm really very thankful to Troy that he is still holding on to me after all this time. I love you. ^_^

I'm almost to finish my thesis and today, we celebrate our 1 year and 9 months of being together ^_^ It has been a while- I never knew time flew so fast. I could still remember the first time I saw him, the first time I met him, and the time we became "us." Time is running short- you'll be going away but I know that in our hearts, we would always be together ^_^

We're gonna be apart for a long time

We've always been together for the past 1 year and 7 months that we're together- physically. The only time I get to be very far was when I had to go home for the holidays (but I actually go back here to spend the morning after the eve of Christmas and New year with him).

This time, it's gonna be different.

I have written stuff about it- about Troy living with his relatives. I'm sad and happy at the same time. Sad because he's gonna be far away and I'm gonna miss him so much. Happy because at last he could continue his studies and eventually have a bright future ahead of him.

If I was just rich enough to pay for his schooling. If things were a little bit different: if he just had parents who could support him all the way. But of course, I couldn't control things. They are the way they are.

This would be the biggest challenge that we would be encountering- and I hope that this makes us stronger and more mature as a couple. I told him that if we ever get to overcome this one, we could already live together and pursue our dreams and ambitions.

If there is something to wait for, I'll be waiting- I promise.

Troy's leaving this Saturday, it's already Monday.
He'll be gone for I-have-no-idea. God, please help us.

What has happened in the past days?

I haven't been able to blog for a while and that is becauseI was too busy with studying and attending to Troy- hehe. ^_^

Just this Monday we had this really big fight where I mistakedly texted him that I wanted the relationship to end. I was to dumb, I thought to myself. He accepted my offer and we parted ways. Not long enough (about 3 hours later), I wanted him back. Just the thought of losing him makes me so depressed I texted him I wanted him back. But of course, he was too full of pride (as usual) and did not want to take things back again. I went for him and begged him to take me back but even a long night of tears and begging, I was in no luck- I was sooo stupid, I said to myself.

"There's this one person in this world brave enough to love me back and here I am, losing him due to my stupid stupidity."

I slept with him that night (he did not want me to go home coz it's too late and it might be dangerous for me to do so- and maybe because he loved me still). I asked him if I could hug him- he agreed.

The morning thereafter, I woke up and cried again to him. I was like a crying machine the whole time. I can't believe he turned me down after a long night crying.

And there I was- a stupid loveless fool. I left the house for my class. While at my apartment, I could not help myself but to text him- I was longing for him. I missed the times when he would text me reminding me to eat well and rest early if ever I had things to do- he was the one filling in my inbox.

The next day came and I was ready to leave him to my past. I asked him if we could have dinner together- he agreed. We ate the same food. hehe. After that, we walked to the bank- I needed to withdraw some bucks. Along the way we were just quiet- trying to feel each other. The truth is that I wanted him to speak first because I was too disappointed to do so. The usual funny and enjoyable conversations we always had turned into cold, quiet moments at this time. I was hopeless. I was feeling lonely even though I knew I was with him.

I felt cold during those times. I did not know if it was the air or I was just sick. I did not like that feeling- that feeling of loneliness.

After going to the bank, we rode back and then I left him, changed my mind again and ran after him. I asked him if I could be with him- just to kill time. My mind was spinning- I told myself: "I had to ask him one last time."

I was thinking of asking him if I could go back into his life again- or not. I promised myself to forget about him if he does not approve of me. It's selfish- to actually forget him- but it would be good for me coz I'm suffering too much from it- I couldn't work, study- I could'nt act normally without him. He was my LIFE. He was my ROUTINE. He was EVERYTHING.

We stayed somewhere comfortable. I told him the stuff I was thinking of the whole time we were not together. I told him I was sorry for eveything wrong I have done to him and for those things I did that he did not like, I apologized to him. Next, I thanked him for everything he has done for me. I know he loved me from the bottom of his heart and that fact made a very significant change in my life- I thank you Troy for making me feel the wondrous feeling of being loved. And then I told him my promise to myself- I was nervous. My mind was spinning.

"What if he says no?" I knew I was gonna go nuts just hearing those words. My heart was pounding fast. I know I didn't want things like this to happen but I wanted things straight- once and for all.

And of course, I knew he loved me. He could not resist me. He said YES.

I wanted to cry there (but of course I couldn't- we were like in a public area).

I was happy. No, overyjoyed. ^_^